A word used to describe the eligibility of a friendship or relationship based on one trait or preference of the other person. Can also be used if you don't agree with someones views.
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As you see, a lifelong illness such as Celiac could fall into such a category. Not only is it challenging in a physical way but there is a lot more to think about. I am not married at 27 (and in no hurry) but hope to be someday and it worries me that my special dietary needs will cause a bit of a problem, think of the following...
First Dates:
Say someone asks you on a first date, or not limit it a second or third date...first off if they want to go to dinner that means that the first thing out of your mouth must be an explanation of your need to eat gluten-free, and come on no one wants to lead off with that; I guess this can be avoided by offering to go for drinks or coffee. Let's say it is dinner though...they can't pick the restaurant but must consult my blog to choose one off of my list. On top of that they must be OK with an assertive girl who is straight up with the waitstaff, may need to discuss her meal with the manager, and will have to cause a bit of a stir if they screw something up. If you are gluten-free you know that picking the place gets old, fast. Some think it's great, you get to pick the restaurant all of the time...but when food and thinking about it consumes your life it's not that fun. Therefore, your date must be prepared for the back and forth that is choosing, calling ahead and waiting the hour after you eat to ensure things went just fine. Want to cook a meal? Be prepared for me to be watching over your shoulder...
Kissing:
All dating comes to this eventually; if it's after a happy hour or a nice meal, eventually you'll want to make-out with your new man. This was something I didn't give two thoughts about until someone asked me about it. Say he just ate a nice big sandwich or piece of pie and has some crumbs lingering on or around his mouth (gross, sorry bear with me), you couldn't kiss him! Or, if he just drank a huge beer...you have to wait until it's washed out to get at it. Either way, gluten definitely ruins the moment.
Tummy Troubles:
Men don't believe that women do anything gross (well most of them at least) but this is practically unavoidable with a Celiac. Eventually something will go wrong...cross-contamination, slipped ingredient, drunken make-out session...whatever. This means that you are uncomfortably spending some time in the restroom; you don't want to explain why you can't come back to bed, or make him feel strangely that you ask for some water because you can't get away long enough to get it yourself. It's a reality that you will have to face together, and he's going to have to be willing to suck it up from the get-go.
Family Life:
Finally...let's say we made it through a couple years of dating, now it's time to get married and add to the family. How do we feed our kids? Do I need to cook separate meals for myself and then the rest of the family eats something else? Will my husband have to take a hit for the team and eat consistently gluten-free with me when he'd rather have a large pizza on Friday night? How do we politely attend family get-togethers and make it less obvious that I'm not eating the food? I know this all sounds a little dramatic, but being only one-year into my diagnosis it's still top of mind.
I'm not saying that there are no sensitive men out there, but it is, and will be, a challenge. Some of you are probably reading this and thinking, this girl is crazy and dwelling way to much on what "could happen", and I agree. However, it is my future and I am wondering if on that first date it becomes a deal-breaker.
If so, that man is not worth my time anyway! Sure, my winning personality, smarts and genuine awesome-ness helps ;)..at least enough to get me through the door. Then, hopefully, someone becomes SO smitten with me that they would gladly email every restaurant in our honeymoon location to ask about gluten-free menu options.
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Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Is Celiac a deal-breaker?
Urban Dictionary definition of a "deal-breaker"-
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Hey Jamie!
ReplyDeleteBeing in college I have ALWAYS worried about this. My ex was really understanding when I went gluten free (he even brushed his teeth at restaurants so he could kiss me afterward) but we had been dating for years so he was already committed. Dating proved pretty tough for a while, I told one guy I was gluten free and he actually took me to Spaghetti Warehouse.... another guy couldn't understand why it was necessary for him to brush his teeth before kissing me and thought I was making the whole thing up. So yes it can be a challenge, but I've been dating my current boyfriend for about 10 months and he has been awesome about it from the start. If a guy really likes you, he doesn't want to make you sick, and further on in the relationship you can get him to start eating all of your gluten free foods so CC is no longer an issue. Good luck!
P.S. I love your blog, its great to get some more info on restaurants with gluten free options.
-Amber
U will find someone and when u do the gluten thing will be no big deal. I am also 27 and my girlriend is amazing. She will calll everywhere and find me things to eat. We actually take little get aways to places if she finds a new restrant I can eat at. She has no issues and she's just become accustom to eattin my food to make it easier.
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